Aloha Hopeless Romantics,
I often get asked "what is the biggest mistake brides make when planning their own wedding?" I love this question and my answer will shock you. You see, everyone has issues. We all have problems and baggage. When you
become engaged, your issues become amplified due to the emotionally charged
nature of weddings. I would argue the
number one mistake that most bride's make when planning their own wedding is they
make poor
choices out of fear & devaluing themselves caused by whatever issues they have. Wait? Did I really just say that the bride's
biggest problem is her own self? Umm,
yeah. I did it. (Please don't shoot me!) Be honest with yourself.
Aren't we always our own worst critic? Don't we beat ourselves up more
than anyone else? Doesn't that little voice inside your head cause you a lot of
unnecessary stress, worry and frustration? It does for most of us. In fact, we
often imagine problems or worst case
scenarios that aren't even real and then make poor choices out of fear and
devaluing ourselves.
Example:
I recently purchased a
Coach handbag that was just over $100. The original price of the handbag was
nearly $400 so at first, I felt smart for saving nearly 75%. But then life hit me. I spent $100 on a purse that I really didn't need and
who needs to spend $100 on a purse anyways? I began to feel really stupid for wasting
money. The more I thought about it the worse I felt. When someone complimented
me on my new bag, instead of graciously accepting the compliment I felt the
need to justify my purchase by explaining it was 75% off. I was afraid I would
be judged for being wasteful with money so
I would explain how I would never spend $400 on a purse. I couldn't even
enjoy my new purse because I felt it was
stupid of me to waste money therefore I'm stupid and I should feel bad about my
purchase. However, these are all just my own issues. My own fear of being judged and devaluing myself by believing I'm unworthy of a $100 handbag. None of it is real except
in my own mind. Nobody cares how much I spent on the purse. Buying a $100 purse
doesn't lower my intelligence. I realized I had a choice. I could either
continue to fear and devalue myself while feeling bad or I could give myself permission to
enjoy my new designer handbag and feel good. Now when someone says something about my
handbag, I simply say "Thank you" and warmly smile as I enjoy the
compliment.
Consider all the choices you made out of
fear:
- I'm afraid I can't afford it so I ________________.
- I didn't want people to think __________ of me so I ________________.
- I didn't really want them at the wedding but I was afraid I would offend someone so I
____________.
- I was afraid we would have bad weather so I booked
________________.
- I didn't want to upset anybody so I
________________________.
- I'm afraid I'll look fat so I so I____________________.
Can you see how these are all thoughts of fear? If you
didn't have those fears, what choices would you have made differently?
Now consider all the choices you made out of
devaluing yourself:
- We've been together so long that it's really not that
big of a deal so we ________________.
- I'll only wear the dress once so it's not worth
spending a lot of money on so I ___________.
- I really wanted it but I don't need
it and I don't want to be stupid so I __________________.
- I don't deserve
that so I ____________________.
- It's only one day out of my life so I _____________.
Can you see how these thoughts are devaluing yourself and
your wedding day? If you were fearless and believed you were worthy, what choices would
you have made differently?
The Results
The result is we hire people we don't really want to hire
for the wedding. We buy things we don't really want to buy instead of the
things we really desire. We'll wear a dress we don't love and sacrifice on things that are important to you. We create unnecessary drama and conflict with family,
friends and vendors. In the end, you are
only letting yourself down by not listening to your own heart's desire.
How do we deal
with the battle of self?
Just as the problem lies within us so does the solution.
Start right now by declaring that you give yourself permission to unconditionally
enjoy everything about your wedding without fear, self- judgment or negative
self talk. When the negative
self-chatter in your mind starts showing it's ugly self quickly replace it with
positive thoughts. Know that you are
worth it and deserve to be happy. Before making any decision, ask yourself the
underlying reason why? Are you making it because you truly want it or are you
doing it out of fear or devaluation? If
the choice you are making doesn't bring you joy, make a different choice. If every choice you make comes from joy, then you will have the most amazing wedding you could ever imagine regardless of your budget.
If you take one thing and one thing only out of this,
know that you don't have to feel bad or have any fears about your wedding. You
are smart and deserve to feel good about your wedding. You should make every
choice you make because it brings you joy. When you do, everything else will
fall into place, not only on the wedding day, but every day for the rest of
your life.
Warmest,
Dawn Nash
First Lady of Romance
http://www.TheRomanceSpecialists.com
